How often do you end up in your grandparent's lap and feel at peace. They can save you from anything in this world, isn't it? Even from your parent's scoldings. Yeah, they love you the most, take care of you, save you from everything including books :P. And we draw a happy picture of us with them in our hearts, hold them tight and go off to sleep, promising to never let go off. The way grandma makes each of yummiest dishes every time we go to visit them, the way grandpa picks you up and makes you sit on his shoulder and we feel we can touch the sky. The little pretty world of grandparents and us.
You guys must be thinking about all the little happy things they did for you and you made them smile by saying "Thank you grandpa, you are the best". Guys, this post is going to be long and I would like each and every one to read till the end to understand what's children day means for children who doesn't understand it till they are 16-17 years old.
Yeah, so while grandma's are the sweetest creation of god, let me share a little story of mine with you. Am 20, and all my grandparents are dead, yeah all both maternal and paternal. My maternal grandma was probably the sweetest lady on this earth. She was detected with Alzheimer's disease at a mere age of 48 and we lost her when she was barely 58.
My grandpa was very supportive about her, and we all looked up to him as a very promising husband. Since my grandma had totally lost her control on her senses, my grandpa changed her nappies if she peed at night in the bed. Yeah, that sweet of him. Well thats not the real story though. Every person has good or evil in them, and when a little child has to face what he/she doesn't understand till a certain age- this is what happens:
When I was in 7th standard in school.
I went to my aunt's place to stay and play with my little cousin and also because grandpa came to visit us. He was lonely since my grandma was long gone. He use to visit all his children' turn by turn. So, my aunt being totally busy with my little cousin asked me to go and get sugar from the kitchen. As soon I poured the sugar in the glass and was about to leave I saw my grandpa looking at me and grinning. My innocence was very happy to see him happy after such a long time since my grandma left. He grinned, and I smiled and we continued doing the same till the next two minutes till it hit me what really happened. he caught hold of my hand which was free of the sugar cup and pulled me close to hug me. No one in my life has hugged me so close as he did, neither did my mom or dad. It was so close that I almost got frightened. There was a sudden kinda of hormonal rush in my head which kept yelling at me "GET AWAY, SOMETHING IS WRONG".
And I yelled back, he is just hugging me, "Shut up!". I guess god has given women the strongest yet most unbelievable gift of 6th sense. As I kept fighting with myself in my head I felt his fingers on my chest. Yeah, his fingers were on my right breast. Being born an underweight baby and growing into a very skinny kid, I wasn't physically as developed as other girls were of my age in 7th std.
Being unable to understand what was he trying to do, I pushed his hands away and smiled at him, and tried moving out of the kitchen. I wasn't half a step away from him, when he turned and pulled me back to do the same again. This time the voice inside me shouted "GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE", and I did. Without saying a single damn word I pushed his hands aside, I walked outta the kitchen as soon as possible and went to my aunt's room.
I didn't dare look back at him or went near to him in the following days I stayed at my aunt place. I was as a state where I was confused whether what I did was was right or wrong?
Right because my head was yelling at me to step outta of the room.
Right because my head was yelling at me to step outta of the room.
Wrong because my innocence was guilty of pushing my grandpa's hands off me.
I always kept being traumatiing and questioning about what happened between me and grandpa was just a expression of fatherly love or was it really as bad as my head yelled to me. I kept mum about the whole thing till I was in 10th std when one day my sister shared a story where grandpa touched her and she was frightened by his touch. She was mature enough to understand what it meant. She moved away from him as soon as possible and told mom about it on the dinning table. They both were eating when my sis called me and asked did grandpa tried to do anything with me. It was that moment when it striked me and my head yelled "TELL THEM TELL THEM". This time I told them that he tried to hug me once and he was smiling widely. Yes that's all. I didn't utter a single word. I came back to my room feeling violated!!! I couldn't tell my mom or my sister about anything that happened after the hug.
I was ashamed of myself, I was ashamed of being used by someone i looked up as a fatherly figure in my life. And the most important thing I was afraid. I had never told this whole thing to anyone accept to a friend last year. It might be late to understand and realize things, but once you do it hurts you even worst.
I try my best to keep my loved ones safe and happy, and yet I was molested or rather worst by my own fucking grandfather. He died 1 and half year ago due to heart blockage. Everyone cried and I hated the fact that everyone cried for a person like him who should be treated like nothing more than trash. It was soo much of hatred inside me until now. I meditate whenever the flashbacks haunts me and it has brought me peace. Peace of realizing that my innocence hasn't died because some old nut shell tried to shag off his thoughts by touching me. I am 20 years old going to complete my MBA by 2016, and still I held the pain and hatred of being treated like this by my own grandfather. I am ashamed of calling him my Grandfather. I am ashamed that I belong to his blood. And I am ashamed that I could do nothing that day to help myself.
Today, I am writing this blog because I have let it go now. I didn't cry when he died, I was angry earlier because I thought he didn't deserve to die like this, he should have been tortured bits by bits till he cries his blood to ask for death. But today on children's day, I let you go of your sin. I hope you are born into a better person next time with your soul being washed of with the elixir of goodness and innocence. No, I am still not crying because you died. I did this to let go off the pain inside me. I free you.
I free myself of anger, hatred, shame, and disgrace towards myself. I was a victim not the criminal, hence forth am a person whom no asshole can dare touch the soul of. I am innocent, I am free.
I don't know what made me write this today, or how will my family members will react if they ever read this. All I wanna say is every person has the evil inside despite of how good he is. All it takes to be able to defeat the evil inside you is in believing the goodness inside you. I hope each and every one of you shares this story of mine. You can take my name while sharing because am not the one to be ashamed of going through all this. Tell your loved ones to be at peace and let the kid be at peace.
We are in 21st century, and yet we deprive ourselves or our daughter of the lives we/they deserve in the fear of our/their safety. Its not just the girl child, even a boy child can be molested. Parents reading this article please try to maintain a healthy frank relation with your kids so that they can share what they are scared to.
And to everyone who has been victimized, be brave enough to tell what happened to you, because if you don't another soul will be victimized to this evil. And listen to your inner voice yelling at you.
Be proud of the person you are, no one can ever take your innocence away!!!